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i'm being cut to shreds

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Dear Live Journal,
Upon browsing my icons, or, in correct LJ terms: "userpics", I have noticed how outdated they are in relation to my interests. Don't get me wrong, dear journal, things like Amelie, giraffes, sewing, Science of Sleep, and quirky Japanese pictures will always hold near and dear to my heart. But since my earliest of writings under this username branch off ideas of first jobs and embarrassing anecdotes regarding struggles in high school and finding my way through the maze of a social life, I cannot say I feel any comfort in the overly accessible and troubling memories of old boyfriends and corny Radiohead references.
This place has been an outlet to every sentence and idea I've either been too timid or in the appropriate position to admit anywhere or in any way else. There have been so many entries here, private and otherwise; just attempts at summing up my thoughts clearly. However, I am at a new crossroads now. I'll print out all those pages I've written over the years and put them in the cardboard box above my closet with my other stupid little notebooks all scribbled in from front to back.
For now, I'll find a new window to open up and type in when my homework just isn't entertaining enough or when my head has too many words in it. Seems like that tumblr site is quite the trend now. We'll see. I'm going to be more honest now.
feelin:
nostalgic nostalgic
music:
bob dylan's encouraging speeches
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"I am an early bird and a night owl, so I am wise and I have worms"
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I wrote this long long entry yesterday, only to have it erased by my shitty internet connection.

all i really want to do is to become a better artist and to like myself a little better and to stop relating so much with those who have every reason not to.

and to apply to college already and get out of here once i become the better person i know i could be.

music:
madeline
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       Well, I was going to write one of those long memes about what I think of everyone, even though I've always been so against those things. They're usually just written to get your voice heard (however brutal it may be), while hiding behind that anonymous wall so that no one can give you the credit or make you deal with the burden for what you've written so bluntly.
      Maybe I don't have the patience, or maybe I just would rather not deal with what little aftermath would come of it all. I wrote the meme, it's just not going on a livejournal entry. Either way, If it means that much to anyone, I guess they can just ask politely and I'll write them their little thing. I'm not going to mask it, despite how much fun it'd be to make it all mysterious and exciting.
       In other news, I am ready to get out of here. Today my mom said me something about how miserable it is living with me, and it just reminded me of how ready I am to move out and move on. The idea is just becoming more and more appealing. There actually are places past the edges of the map of Pembroke Pines that I don't even know about. I've been sitting in the same place for sixteen years, and I'm just anxious to go find something else. Without having to wait another two years, when it's not even going to be home anymore. When it won't even be my family living here.
      Or maybe this is just what happens when I think too much and wake up at 3 AM to stay up watching Alice in Wonderland in Spanish.
feelin:
hopeful hopeful
music:
mother nature's son
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This is going to be my own journal for a little while.
At least until I get my head sorted out.
feelin:
blank blank
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    I wish I had the capability to write such meaningful livejournal entries, to give an update of my current goings on at the same time as showing  a beautiful display of my oh-so fabulous writing skills accompanied by a little piece of optimism at the end, a perfect little thoughtful lj icon to provoke such ideas, and a side-note of the underground indie music I'm dying for everyone to know I listen to.
But I'm not that talented or distinguished.
     I wish I could put into words every little drawing, every thought or idea or fourtune cookie paper that I tape into or jot down into my notebooks; every funny little mishap that happened that day or confident new observations on my environment.
But I'd rather not waste my time.
    I wish I could take advantage of all the different ways we can express ourselves these days via internet.
But my myspace is practically empty, my lj name is the plainest thing i could imagine, and I prefer using a pencil and paper.

I guess I'd just rather live my life and leave it to you masterminds to prove yourselves.
feelin:
- -
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friends only,please.


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